Friday, August 13, 2010

Day Five: Thank the Lord you are almost over...

Action shot of me being miserable.

I am going to go to bed in a few minutes. It's day five of my non-smoking lifestyle and I feel like a soulless shell of my former self.

I know this feeling will pass, but right now I am throwing myself a pity party while trying to coast through the withdrawal symptoms before I call it a night. (I still can't shake the nauseous feeling that I've developed since being a non-smoker, but it is getting better...)

I am getting better, but this habit is one that seems almost invincible. -- I still reach for my cigarettes numerous times a day, only to remember (with complete and utter disappointment) that they are no longer a part of my life.

They (experts? non-smokers? anonymous people on the internet?) say that quitting nicotine is like quitting heroin.

I believe it.

I have never felt so desperate and pathetic as I do these days; the logical side of me thinks "Dude, it's only a fucking cigarette, stop being such a baby!" Yet, when the craving takes over, I am a complete and utter fiend. Many times today I would have smoked if I was given the opportunity.


Five days invested, and I would have traded it all in for a puff of a cigarette.

I'm miserable.

I hope tomorrow is better...

1 comment:

  1. You will do it Shell. I was there once too and it has been close to 5 years that I haven't touched one of those dirty, disgusting, filthy, expensive things. I know you can do it.