Remembering Carla.

A few months ago I went back to my old elementary school for a work project. Walking through the doors was strange, just being inside of the building evoked feelings and memories of my childhood that I'd long forgotten. The halls were strangely tiny and familiar.

There are only a few places that can take you back into a different time of your life like a school can.

As I was leaving I walked past rows and rows of grade six class photos hanging on the wall. I immediately looked for mine and for my sisters' pictures. I was in awe of how small we were; how dated the photos were. It seemed like so long ago, yet the memories were flooding back to me.

I examined the photos, looking for familiar faces and names, and I came across a girl I knew named Carla Caldwell. Carla was a girl who lived in the same housing complex as me. She and I weren't really friends, because she was a year older, but we went to school and brownies together and we played with the same kids around the neighbourhood.

Carla is someone I would have probably forgotten about, like so many of the people I grew up with, except, unlike the rest of those people, Carla's life (and sudden death) haunted (and perhaps still haunt) all of us who knew her.

In 1991 Carla and her little brother Jamie were murdered by their father in a botched murder suicide attempt during their weekend visit to his Sherbrook Street apartment. Their father, Carl, was a sick man, who stole his young children's lives for reasons I'm not sure anyone can explain. (He succeeded in killing himself in jail a year or two later.)

Finding Carla's picture at school brought back so many emotions and memories. I feel such sadness when I think about Carla and Jamie. I think about their mother, and the profound sense of loss she will carry for the rest of her life. I think about the two kids who never had the chance to grow up and experience life. I think about the kids who grew up with Carla and Jamie who will always be haunted with memories and what ifs.

I've tried to google her over the years, looking to review her case with a set of grown up eyes, to no avail. (I would like to rummage through old newspapers one day when I have time...) The only piece of Carla that I can find is on the walls of my old elementary school.

RIP Carla and Jamie.

Musings for a new year

Looking ahead to 2012, it's a fresh slate for all of us.

I can't predict what the new year will bring, but I can assure that 2012 will be met with good times and bad times, happiness and sorrow. We will experience new things, meet new friends, stay connected with old friends, and continue on with what's already familiar to us. Perhaps for some of us, the new year will see us lose friends, fall out of love, or mourn the passing of someone we will love forever.

Life is unpredictable, the only thing we can control is how we deal with it.

This year, if I may, I have some advice for all of us; advice I want to heed in my own life, so that I can be a better person. Advice that will be hard to live by, yet will make life easier in the long run. Advice that will make the world a better place.

Defy odds by not letting people determine the outcome of your life: It's easy to give up the moment someone tells you that something is impossible. Yet there are people who defy the odds every single day, creating miracles, because they didn't let somebody else tell them they couldn't do something. These are the people who change the world and pave the way for the rest of us. These are leaders, who aren't afraid to think and try things for themselves. Even if they fail, these are the people that find peace in failure because they discovered it on their own.

Always change, never conform: Always strive to change, because that's what life is about; growth and change. Learn new things, do things that you enjoy and try doing things that scare you. Take a leap of faith every once in awhile. Don't do things just because other people want you to, do them because you want to do them. Life is too short to try and appease others. The greatest relationships are the ones with people who truly like you, not the ones who only certain aspects of you. We can't control other people, the way they act, think or feel. But we can control ourselves.

It's exhausting to try and be somebody you're not, so don't.

Be good to others: Kindness can change the world because empathy and compassion are contagious. Treat others as you would like to be treated, and almost all of the time the treatment will be reciprocated. You will have experiences with people who are unpleasant and mean, that's just one of those inevitables in life, but learning to turn the other cheek without being abused is an art form that only serve to build character and make you better.

Give without expecting anything in return. Try not to judge people; you have no idea what kind of life they've had. Be genuine, honest and respectful. It will take work, perhaps even a lifetime to achieve, but the intrinsic rewards will be plenty.

Read so you always have something other than yourself to talk about. Let yourself really laugh at something funny, even if it's loud and embarassing. Tell people how important they are to you before it's too late– The most touching eulogies are the ones we give to people while they're still alive. Sometimes the most important thing we can do for other people is tell them how much they mean to us.

Be good to yourself: Respect yourself and others will respect you. Don't settle for a relationship, a job or a lifestyle that you're just OK with. Always strive for what you want; if you work hard enough you will get it.

Don't hate people, it will only serve to make you bitter. Let those people go. Living well is the best "revenge" anyway.

Take time to listen to people, and save your good conversations and thoughts for people who want to listen to you. You are the ruler of your life, never give that away.

All the best in 2012 friends, may we all work toward making the world a better place.

PHOTO: Sunny S-H Photography.

The power of social media

Last week my Missing Manitoba Women Facebook page helped located a 14-year-old missing girl.

(Wow, the power of social media never ceases to amaze me.)

This girl's mom, Shannon Buck, posted her daughter, Lauren Chopek's picture on my page. The girl didn't return home from school the day before, and Buck was going out of her mind. I messaged Buck, and she sent me a missing poster and asked if I could post it on my page. Since the poster was in a Word document format, I quickly laid it out in InDesign and posted the JPG to my wall.

Lauren's poster went viral; people from all over the world started reposting it and sending well wishes to her family. People in places like Germany, India, Australia, the US, Europe...The entire world was looking for this girl. It was incredible to see.

I kept in touch with Lauren's mom through facebook on a day-to-day basis, thinking the girl would come home within a couple of days. However, each day I would get the same response from Buck: "She is not home." By this point, I think both of us started to freak out even more. Since I'm a CreComm student, I pulled some of my "CreComm Mafia super powers" and sent out a mass email and a plea on Twitter for my media friends to pick up Lauren's story. (Thank the Lord for Twitter!)

The first story about Lauren ran on CBC on October 13. (Click here to watch the clip)

Following CBC's story, Buck's plea was also answered by the Winnipeg Sun, The Metro Winnipeg.

Last Saturday morning I woke up to a text from Buck. "Lauren is home." It was surreal, I was really starting to get scared that something bad had happened. (I kept telling Buck that she'd be fine, because I really thought she would be, but when more days passed and Lauren wasn't found I started to get really scared.)

Later Saturday morning I got a message on Facebook from one of my Facebook friends, Jackie Traverse; she told me that she found Lauren the night before at a Winnipeg Hotel. Jackie, an Aboriginal artist and missing and murdered women advocate said that she was having a few drinks at the hotel when she spotted the girl. She said she recognized her from the pictures from the Missing Manitoba Women page. Jackie went to talk to Lauren, and made her call her mom, and then waited with Lauren until her mother picked her up. She is a true hero.

Thanks to social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, and all of the people who posted, and re-posted Lauren's picture, the girl was found and reunited with her family.

Click here to see Global's coverage of the story after Lauren was found.

My exit from the Daily Graphic

Here is the last (and only) column that I wrote for the Daily Graphic– a goodbye to all the wonderful people I met.

Rolling into Portage la Prairie last May to start my summer job as a reporter for the Portage Daily Graphic, I wasn’t sure what to expect– this was my first paying gig out of journalism school.

I’ll admit, being from Winnipeg, I wasn’t overly familiar with the community, but I was excited to learn about Portage and all it had to offer. I was also stoked to meet the people who call this place home. From covering the weekly lunches at the Portage Rotary Club to meeting new business owners like Jennifer Lamber of Memories In Time Scrapbooking, or the Aggarwal family who own the two Olina shops in town, there was a learning experience in every story I wrote.

There were also some days that the challenges of this job became personal; even though a reporter is never supposed to become emotionally involved in a story, it’s sometimes impossible. Covering this year’s historic flood that destroyed so many peoples homes and livelihoods, or speaking to Amber McFarland’s mom Lori a day after the missing woman’s 28th birthday were some of the hardest stories I’ve ever had to write. Yet, while my heart broke for these people, it also warmed to the fact that I saw a strength and resiliency that is so rare in the outside world, yet almost ‘normal’ here in Portage.

Outside of the city, in the Central Plains region, I have also been lucky to have met some awesome people, like the folks in MacGregor, who I’ve written a number of stories about this summer. I am in awe of the entire community for how much passion they have for their beloved NorMac arena. When they went up against Arborg for the Kraft Celebration Tour on July 21, I was assigned the duty of following them through their journey. It was an absolute pleasure to report that they had won the contest, and I look forward to celebrating with them on August 27 when TSN’s SportsCentre broadcasts live from MacGregor.

This is an experience is one that I will never forget. Besides being a wonderful career stepping stone, my position at the Daily Graphic has left me with so many wonderful new friends, not only in the office, but out in the community as well. Rest assured that you will see my family and I at the ninth annual Potato Festival next year, and you might bump into me at the MCC every now and again. I’ll definitely be back next strawberry season to indulge in some of the tastiest berries I’ve ever eaten, and if I’m in the city on a Tuesday afternoon, the Rotary Club can expect an extra guest for lunch.

To my colleagues at the Daily Graphic, you have all been so nice, thank you for everything. Everybody in the office keeps telling me the newsroom will be super quiet without me, I am still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing...

Portage la Prairie you have been an excellent host, I will never forget this summer. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

STFU: Things you should never say to people...

Inspired by a tweet I saw this morning, I felt compelled to give a little lesson on etiquette when speaking to other people. Please read carefully, and follow these basic rules of life...

You look tired: First of all, everybody knows that "you look tired" is code for "you look like shit." Seriously people, nobody ever looks good when they're tired, so you may as well say "you look like a shit with a side of bags under your eyes." Ugh. Second, if I look tired it probably means that I am tired and if I am tired I don't need you to remind me of it, especially if your comment isn't followed up with a solution to my exhaustion. If there is no cozy bed and warm glass of milk at the end of your statement, don't say it. Just don't.

The only exception to this rule is if mom or grandma says it to you, because they gave you life and can therefore say pretty much anything to you, and they're also most likely saying it in a sympathetic way that could land you a nap and a sandwich...

Are you expecting or When is your due date?: I make it a point to NEVER ask a woman if she's pregnant. Never– even if she's nine months along and all baby, I keep my lips sealed. I learned this little trick after someone asked me if I was expecting. ("Um what?! No. No I'm not...")

If mom-to-be slips it into the conversation, go nuts. If someone else slips it into the conversation, go nuts. Just don't bring it up, cause if there's no baby at the end of that question, you've just ruined someone's day and self esteem.

Oh, and if someone calls you out for not noticing or thinks you're rude for not congratulating them, you can just tell them you did notice but you make it a point to never bring it up until someone else does, then tell them about the time you awkwardly congratulated someone who wasn't with child. they'll understand.

Any reference to a person gaining weight: I can't stress this enough: DO NOT TELL SOMEONE THEY'RE GAINING WEIGHT. First of all, they know, good lord do they know! (It was probably super apparent to them when they couldn't zip up their jeans that morning and they had a nervous breakdown because they had nothing to wear that fit...)

If you tell someone (in any way) that they are getting fat, have gained weight, or anything like that, you are an asshole. This includes girls, guys, kids...Anyone. Nobody wants to hear your opinion on their weight. Nobody. Plus, saying this only ruins someone's day and makes them feel bad about themselves.

This includes backwards compliments as well. I know you likely mean well, and you're only trying to be nice when you tell me that I have a "pretty face," or that I "wouldn't look good as a skinny person." But damn, can't you say something nice without bringing my flubs into it?! A simple "You look nice today" will suffice.

The BS Club

Today I joined a club called the BS Club. (No seriously, I did.) It's a legit club in Portage and it means what you think it means; bull shit. (click here to read a story I wrote about them.)

The BS Club has been around for roughly the same amount of time that I've been around. The president, Don Whyte, is a retired school teacher who is as cheeky as the club itself. He has this charm and genuine sense about him that renders you to fall in love in about eight seconds flat. (And I don't necessarily mean you fall in love with him. No, you fall in love with the notion that there is a club in Portage la Prairie that has been around for a long, long time and it's called the BS Club, and the members are as you think they would be; laid back and friendly!)

So I joined the club today. My membership cost me $5 and it's good for an entire year. I got a membership card and I even have my own BS number (it's 83 in case you were wondering...) If I so desire, I can meet the club members (who basically consist of anyone who has five bucks and wants to be in the BS Club) every Tuesday at the Cat and the Fiddle bar at the Midtown Motor Inn in downtown Portage, where they drink beer and hold raffles. It's not formal, yet it's a staple Tuesday afternoon to the longtime members.

Did I mention I'm in love?!

The BS Club also does something else that's beyond cool; twice a year they donate $500 to different charities that help people. Why? Because they want to help people.

If you're ever in Portage on a Tuesday afternoon, swing by the Cat and the Fiddle at the Midtown Motor Inn and buy yourself a membership for the BS Club. You don't need to drink, or even buy into the daily raffle. You'll probably feel compelled to, but you don't have to. Heck, you don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing in the BS Club, it's a 'whatever goes' kinda club!

Bottom line: I guarantee you that you'll fall in love with the club and its members.

Number 83, signing off...

(Note: I didn't partake in any drinking at the BS Club today, FYI.)

these days...

Life is chaotic these days.

I just finished my weekend stint at my part time job, and am now getting ready for my work week at the newspaper. I'm tired, but this is what I need to do right now to move forward in my career. It will pay off one day, that's what everyone keeps telling me.

I enjoy being a journalist, it's hard work, but extremely rewarding. I like telling people's stories, and I'll admit, I still get excited when I get the cover. I try not to act excited, or even tell anyone, but it's a good feeling. I hope I never stop getting excited about it.

One of the most difficult challenges I've faced so far is the unfamiliarity that comes with being new to a community. As time goes on, I'm becoming more and more familiar with Portage la Prairie; both the city and the people, but the first little while was downright hard. Not knowing your surroundings is uncomfortable because you always feel like you're lost, and it's your job to not only find yourself (so to speak) but to also tell the entire community the story (or stories) you've been assigned as though you're one of them. Nobody wants to read news from an outsider; would you?!

Even being lost was a good thing for me, because it's something I've never experienced before, and it's a learning curve that makes me better at my job. Right now I'm working at becoming a member of the community– or at least an honourary member. Since I'm only working in Portage for the summer, I'm not relocating, but I am trying really hard to fit in.

In all the job is good. I am getting better at my craft, and learning a whole new side of being a journalist– I falsely assumed that working a small community newspaper would be a synch, especially since I have experience writing for the Winnipeg Free Press and the Winnipeg Sun. I've discovered that, like most jobs, being a journalist differs from place to place. The overall job is the same, but there are subtle differences that makes each experience its own.

NOTE: The pic doesn't really go with the post, but I like it. I'm wearing dollar store reading classes because I think I need glasses, but I am far too busy to go to an optometrist and find out...

The Picture

I got some mail from school yesterday. When I opened it, I saw that it was a picture of me and CTV's Kelly Dehn, taken at a Red River College awards dinner a few months ago.

I looked terrible.

Aside from being ungracefully huge, my hair and makeup looked ratty and tired, and I'm making this face like I'm about to say something. It's an awful picture, it really, really is.

I don't know why, but I started to cry almost instantly after I looked at it. There I was, standing in the hallway of my apartment; I couldn't look away, yet I couldn't look directly at it either. The picture seemed to have this sort of power over me. At that moment, all the denial I have about myself and the way I look was washed away with that raw image. It was like a tsunami of cold hard reality. There I am in all of my glory, holding my coveted award, and I look like that.

Barf.

It's vain to care so much about your appearance, I know that. I also know that an "educated woman" should be smarter than to let something so superficial, like her appearance, dictate how she thinks and how she feels about herself. Logically I am on top of the word; or at least I was that day the picture was taken. Yet looking at the picture now, from outside of my denial, it just seems so awful and embarrassing.

This should motivate me to do something about my appearance. If I don't like it, I should change it. I do subscribe to that mentality, it's what got me through school. Yet, here I am, at the pinnacle of so many unfathomable life accomplishments, being sucked in by my incessant weight preoccupation and negative self image.

My attitude toxic and far uglier than the picture.

I heard this song on the Ace Burpee show the other day. It was profound to me now (more than ten years later...) Sound advice, that I should consider when I get bummed out about stupid things like pictures that I look bad in.

Life is short, right?!