Can we create a new normal?

I have been out of work for months and I don't know when I will get to call back to return.

I know this isn't uncommon during the pandemic. There are so many people who are in the same situation.

It's a bit of a conversation piece, this uncertainty. We're all steeped in it to various degrees, wading through this quandary, trying to live our lives in the most normal way possible.

At first it all seemed so terrifying and dire.

Not work? What?

I've traded a lot of my identity for my job title and profession-- more than I'd actually thought before all this started. It was hard to back away from. I always felt like my job was something in my life that was mine. I had this weird protective ownership over it. A silly notion, given that it's not so much mine as it is something I do.

When I stopped working, I felt a little bit lost. The absence of work felt weird and sort of empty. It took me a little while to get over the feeling that I should be doing something, or checking in with someone. Even though there is always something to do around my house, I spent the first couple of days dumbfounded and wondering "What now?"

Having time suddenly felt overwhelming. I felt guilty and lazy for not feeling overrun.

I've spent four and a half years on autopilot, multitasking full-time work with trying to manage my home life and being a parent. For the last half decade it seemed like every shred of time was accounted for or claimed by something or someone, because as cliche as it sounds, there were never enough hours in the day. Becoming a working mom, meant becoming a very mediocre version of supermom.

And then the pandemic hit, and I got laid off and all of a sudden I felt like I could take a breath.

This lockdown, though uncertain and terrifying in it's own way also felt like a bit of  a lifeline amidst the chaos. For the first time in a long time-- probably since returning to work after my mat-leave, I don't feel like I am drowning in my life.

That sounds unreal. It took a pandemic to stop feeling like I am drowning in my life.

But it's true. Right now there are no anxiety-riddled mornings, hauling ass trying to get three kids to two different schools across the city from one another before O'Canada starts. I'm not hastily grocery shopping for a few things on my lunch break, or racing to get a kid before the daycare 'closes.' We get to spend more than the three hours before bedtime together every day, and we have found time to do some of the things that we've always wanted to try, like camping, or fishing on the creek by our house.

Of course it's not always rosy or Instagram-worthy. Our time is also sometimes met with boredom and the need for a break from one another. The kids still watch loads of TV and I still struggle with what to make for dinner every night. When we had to homeschool, I struggled immensely. It was hard for all of us. We miss some of the aspects of our pre-COVID existence and are always in a constant battle with the uncertainty of it all. I'm still super busy, but well rested.

Chris is still working, though his office is our dining room table for now.

I never expected to have this much time in my life again. Not while my kids were young anyway.

This isn't meant to disparage or undervalue my job by any means; in fact it has nothing to do with my actual job. This is more of an observation of the entire five day 40-hour workweek structure as a whole and how hard, or perhaps impossible is it to try and raise kids and maintain a sense of self and balance within that structure.

Prior to this pandemic unemployment, there wasn't really a balance. Our pre-COVID life was so fast paced and rushed. From the moment I opened my eyes every morning it was like "GO!" Every single second of the day was like a long haul relay race, where I was the leader and my team did their best but wasn't always the most coordinated.

I want to go back to work, or go back to working. I want to be able to spend time with my kids and have time for myself, and I don't think it's unreasonable to want it or have it all. I think under the current version of a normal 40-hour work week system it is impossible, because (again with the cliche) there aren't enough hours in the day. But, if there is a takeaway from this extraordinary situation that we find ourselves in, it's we have the opportunity to reinvent normal.

There are other advantages for a shorter workweek that are beneficial for the planet, people and the markets, not just for tired moms like me.

I know that big shifts and changes like the one I am speaking about don't come quickly or easily, but considering that the 40-hour work-week is rooted in industrialism and was started at a time before people had the tools and the types of jobs to work anywhere at any time, and before dual incomes were the norm in partnered households, changing the standard to meet our changing lives seems obvious.