Dating: It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, especially the older you get. Trust me. It seems that if you're not married by the time you are 30 (Or, in my case, 31) than chances are you have had a few encounters with Mr. Wrong. -- Hey, Mr. Wrong can be a fun person to date if you know just exactly what you are getting yourself into!
Take for example 'Mr. Bachelor,' he's that good-looking guy who says things that make you feel all flowery inside. You're drawn to him almost instantly because he's the kinda guy that takes the time to stroke your ego, and he'll probably make you feel like a million bucks. Yep, 'Mr. Bachelor' is that mysterious stranger that has that certain je nes se quois. For him, flirting is a lifestyle.
'Mr. Bachelor' is usually a straight-shooter: He means everything that he says, but his words must be interpreted in the most literal sense possible. For example: When 'Mr. Bachelor' tells you something -- let's say he tells you that he thinks you're really pretty -- he means it. He thinks you're really pretty. However, that's all he means.
Too often we get caught off guard by a guy like 'Mr. Bachelor.' We are thrown off because his candour is so blatant that it becomes like a foreign language to us.
He told me that I was really pretty. What is he really trying to say?!
We begin to over-analyze his motives for telling us that we're pretty, or whatever, and just like that the simple thing that 'Mr Bachelor' has said to us instills a deep sense of confusion.
Why would he tell me I'm really pretty? Does he like me? Does he want to be my boyfriend?Should I ask for his number?! Does he really think I'm pretty?! He's probably just trying to get me in the sack! I bet he says this to all the ladies...
Therefore, when dating a guy like 'Mr. Bachelor,' we need to ensure that we understand how he works before we land ourselves into a situation that sees us getting hurt.
Step One: Simplify your mind
When 'Mr. Bachelor' says anything to you, take it literally. -- If he tells you that you're pretty say thank you. If he tells you that he likes you, then he likes you. (Just remember that him telling you that he likes you is not him telling you that he wants to be your boyfriend.)
Step Two: Dating is not the same as a full-blown committed relationship
If you and 'Mr. Bachelor' start dating (or start sleeping together) it doesn't mean that he is your 'boyfriend.' Nope. Never assume a title with a guy like 'Mr. Bachelor' unless it has been clearly established. Simply dating or sleeping with him means that you are simply dating or sleeping with him. -- To him, it is what it is.
Now, if you are comfortable with the situation as it is, then this is ok. However, when you are only dating or sleeping with someone it usually means that there is no exclusivity in this type of situation. Unless there are clearly established guidelines that openly state that neither of you will date or sleep with other people, the door is wide open. (Remember, 'Mr. Bachelor' sees the world in literal form, If you are just casually seeing each other the only thing saying that he can't casually see anyone else at the same time is you.)
If you want to be more than just a casual relationship with 'Mr. Bachelor,' ask him. He will likely tell you one of two things:
1. He wants more than a casual relationship as well, and you will become his official girlfriend.
2. He only wants a casual relationship.
There's nothing wrong with getting to know 'Mr. Bachelor,' he makes a great 'vacation kinda boyfriend.' (Vacation Boyfriend: Temporary! Yes it's fun while it lasts, and you might plan a revisit for one day, but nothing that is realistic for your day-to-day life.) Dude will perhaps settle down and be boyfriend material one day, but until he decides to make that step, you can't change him.
Playing the field can be fun. Dating doesn't always mean booty calls and it doesn't always mean relationships. Sometimes dating is just hanging out with someone for awhile...
Next time, we'll talk about 'Mr. Smooth.' -- He's the one that you have to watch out for.