Sunday, November 22, 2009

D, Dr. Love (that's me!)

So the other day I was talking to a friend of mine who is having boyfriend problems.

"We're on the verge of breaking up," she told me. "He's pretty much stopped calling and texting me, and the other day he started a fight for absolutely no reason."

(Poor girl; I spent almost all of my twenties entrapped in horrific train wreck’s that I passed off as relationships, saying similar things about my past boyfriends that she was telling me now; I truly felt for her when she told me about her big, bad boyfriend...)

I felt for her, but even more than that, I felt for myself...

Thank God I haven't subscribed to that "serious" relationship crap for a long, long time! (Excuse me if I sound like the queen of bitter, I assure you I am not. I am, realistic?)

You see, I wasted most of my twenties involved in a string of truly dreadful relationships, and therefore I cannot say that I envy her, or anybody else that has found love. -- Don't get me wrong, I have dated (rather consistently I might add) over the course of the years, but since the last train wreck-relationship I had a number of years ago, I have been rather hesitant about subscribing to anything long-term, and/or using the term 'boyfriend'...

Instead, my method is that when a relationship has run its course, I like to call it quits before things get ugly. Usually at that time, both of us agree that “we’ve had a good run”, but the time has come to part ways…

Let me tell you, since I began this new relationship practice, I have never had such delightful breakups in my life!

The poor girl that I was telling you about, on the other hand, was telling me about her newly dysfunctional relationship, and how this new 'not calling, texting, and picking fights element' of her relationship was something that she believed she had escaped with said-boyfriend.

"I never had to worry about those stupid 'I'm not going to call you' games with him," she said. "That's what I liked about him."

So what happened?

How do so many relationships that start so wonderfully end up like this; catty little mind games that turn both parties into enemies?

Is it just par for the course?

Is it a battle of wills; two people not willing to admit that they are no longer right for each other?

Is it simply all an emotionally charged game of cat-and-mouse that all male and female participants secretly subscribe to when they enter into a relationship?

What is it?

I would like to believe in the notion of soul-mates, and “forever”, but in light of the numerous unhappy couples that I have encountered throughout the years, I am skeptical in the notion that many people in long-term relationships are truly happy, or even satisfied with what they have.

Am I wrong?

Do I just know a bunch of emotionally challenged people, including myself?

Am I being far too cynical for my own good?

I suppose when it comes to matters of the heart, there really isn’t a manual that provides the answers to these mind-gripping kinds of questions. But, really in the grand scheme of things, I think it’s important for all of us to understand that not being in a relationship or holding on to one that doesn’t measure up (so to speak) is a really lame way to spend your time and emotions…

Just sayin

Oh, and for the record, if I ever meet Mr. Right, I’ll hold on to him…For awhile anyway.

Picture courtesy of:


  1. Good writing style Shelley. It seems you've picked the right career path. Keep on blogging!

    Might I suggest you pursue guest post blogging too. It could lead to something...

  2. I want to post a comment, but you really summed it up. I think, starting with our generation, we are nothing but a mess of emotionally stunted people. I mean, think about it, our generation was the first to witness the mass societal normalcy of divorce. Coincidence? Hmm.

  3. Great post Shelley, always entertaining. I rarely get into this kind of topic, because, well everyone has vastly different opnions. But for arguments sake here goes:

    I feel for this friend, and people alike in that situation, and there are a lot of train wrecks, I have had past train wrecks too.. it's all about learning, right?

    But, I do believe there are definitely good relationships. Rare maybe, but for sure out there. Basically the main reason, in my opinion, for any train wreck, and mind game relationsihips is co-dependency.

    People rely on others to make them happy, to fill that void, right? Not gonna happen. So cliched, I know- BUT you can only make yourself happy, and those people have to love themselves. A relationship should only be the icing on the cake- not the be all, end all.

    People obsess over others, are needy, are unhappy, etc. People need to realize that they ARE worth more than the other person makes them feel. Love isn't those cliched movies like the Notebook, where its obsessive and perfect- it should be two people who want to be together, not who need to be together

  4. Meg, I like your moxie kid!

    Point (gladly) taken! -- Perhaps you are also a "doctor" in love...

    (FYI for all who read my blog, I have given myself an honorary PhD in Love issues; I'm the new self proclaimed "Miss Lonelyhearts" of CreComm blog world...)