The layoff notice...

I got laid off a few days ago.

It's a temporary layoff, but it feels crushing.

My situation isn't unlike so many other peoples. There are so many of us who woke up this morning in this weird, almost alternate universe, where this virus is spreading, our jobs have been temporarily suspended, and all aspects of life have changed and are changing drastically. We need to adapt to a this new normal. Less responsibility seems really heavy under these circumstances.

I am hanging my hat on the word 'temporary,' and the notion that life will go back to normal, or whatever the post pandemic version of normal will be. The mass layoffs and closures, the anxiety and fear of looming worst case scenarios, and this invisible sickness are all perishable. Amidst the chaos there is hope.

It will end or change eventually. If losing my job temporarily is the worst thing that will happen to me by the end of this pandemic, then I'll count myself as lucky.

I figured a layoff was coming given the near complete shutdown of our province. I didn't know when, and I had hoped that it wouldn't, but it was looming. I thought I would be prepared for if and when it did happen. I didn't expect to feel such sadness. It seems foolish or overreactionary, but I spent two days teedering from being fine to weeping and not understanding exactly why.

Not all feelings are logical, and not all of them make sense.

Perhaps the job loss is an easier thing to feel sad about than the giant mass of uncertainty that is causing this shift. It's somewhat tangible and concise, and it even has a direction that I can focus my emotions at. Perhaps it was the realization that my I had let my job become so deeply ingrained in who I am. I let it become a huge part of my identity, and losing it felt like I was losing a part of myself.

I saw the job more as something I owned than something I do.

There is both grief and comfort in knowing that we are all in this together. So far it's still early for us. Manitoba has only just been touched, while other places around the world are reeling and plagued with infection. It will get worse before it gets better, and the outcome relies on how seriously the population is heeding the advice to stay home and practice social and physical distancing.

Isolation is a luxury, albeit tedious at times.

Perhaps a bonus of being unemployed during this time is that it will restore other parts of my life. For nearly four years I've felt like life was bursting at the seams as I tried to juggle being a working mom. While the circumstances aren't ideal, this situation may give me a little bit of breathing room and allow to be a better mom. We'll actually have time to read an extra story, go for that bike ride, or play that game...

I hope amid all of this, there are silver linings for all of us.

Stay safe.