Update from the inside...

I still can't believe what's happening.

This pandemic is surreal, like it's right out of a movie or a book.

We've only been isolating ourselves in our homes, and "self distancing" (The newest buzz word of 2020) for a matter of days. A week or two... But it seems like longer. The situation changes by the hour, and it seems surreal and sort of apocalyptic, yet normal. Or a new version of normal anyway. Watching daily briefings from the prime minister and premiere, and other leaders from other countries makes the world feel so much smaller.

We are all affected.

Time as a whole feels different. It doesn't matter as much as it did last week, and it's a lot more abstract when you don't have anywhere to go, but you still have to maintain your daily life. For now the routines have been tossed out the window. Low grade anarchy for all of us, but we're managing. The kids are even getting some school work done.

I have developed a deeper appreciation for their teachers and early childhood educators.

I don't know exactly how to navigate this new normal. It's only supposed to be temporary, but who knows how long this pause will be or what normal will look like after life outside the house resumes. I get anxious when I think about it. This pandemic could last a lot longer than I'm ready to admit. I have to think day-to-day right now or I may go crazy.

I think the strangest part of it all is how big this is. It's moved from something that we watched distantly across the world while we went about our lives to a new way of life. It has changed the way we interact with each other and has already infected us with a deep sense of fear and paranoia.

I am so afraid... Of catching the illness, or of dying or having people I know and love die from this. I am scared of surfaces, invisible germs, and contact with people. I'm scared of the uncertainty that looms over the entire world, and the changes that are bound to come of this.

I'm scared, because my sense of normalcy is disrupted.

Who knows how this is going to turn out.

Like so many I sit in the comfort of my home, being afraid and doing my best to make this time and this life normal for my family.

I recognize my privilege of isolating. We can protect ourselves from what lurks outside. Or, protect outside from what may lurk in us. Other people don't have the option. The unsung heroes of this pandemic have been grocery clerks, restaurant workers, delivery drivers, doctors nurses, truck drivers...

As the world seems to crumble, many of the people on the front lines keeping it going don't even make a livable wage. It's so fucked up.

This is only the beginning. I understand that... The world is changing, and so are we.