I'm a $53 idiot!

My mom just called me to let me know I have $53 in my bank account. Shit. (Yeah, my mom has my banking information, she checks it routinely and helps me manage my money. Yes I'm ashamed of this, but I'd be lying if I said she probably is the reason that I'm not homeless. I'm terrible with money.)

Anyway, $53 dollars, and a loooong way till payday. I'm fucked.

To be fair to myself, I really tried to be more thoughtful about my spending this time around; I thought I had more money then I did, but alas I forgot about a payment due to come out any second. I have nobody to blame but myself.

Seems as though living the dream has come at a hefty price tag, considering a large chunk of my money goes towards paying back the mountain of student debts I amassed . Since I only have a little over a year of being graduated under my belt, I'm still at the "entry level" of my career, which means the money is decent, but given what I have to pay back, it certainly isn't enough.

My Jeggings = muffin-top. I need new ones.

Still, I am one of the lucky ones I guess. I escaped a job and a future I didn't want, and I have a the opportunity to move upward and onward in the communications field. I can freelance, and I can take on a second or third job, which is my intention. Aside from a new opportunity coming up in the new year (which I'll tell you all about soon) I want to get another job at a place like Starbucks or something. (I've always romanticized working at Starbucks, everyone there seems happy, and I love coffee.)

I may as well work more, since I don't have the money to have the kind of social life I want right now anyway. (I don't even have the money to have cable right now, nevermind!)

Still, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, even though I am, because I am a fiscal idiot... I don't even want to get into it. I'm a fiscal idiot who has $53 in her bank account!

Admittance of my fiscally inept ways aside, part of me is still like "Ohhh, I still have $53 in my bank account and I really want a new pair or leggings! Fifty-three-dollars is totally enough, SCORE!") New leggings, jeggings and skinny-legged black pants are on the top of my "Must Have" list. I have these beautiful boots that I want to wear every single day and I need pants that will tuck nicely into them without giving me the muffin-top that the current pair of jeggings I have do. I must refrain.

It appears that I am hopeless.

2012: The year that was

Photo Source: Tumblr

Well 2012, you’ve certainly been a year to remember (Or, in some cases, a time in my life that I’d like to forget.)

The first seven months of the year were, for lack of a better term, shitty. Yet, what came after was unexpected and pleasant.  

I found love, and lost it twice; first with something (someone) I never actually knew, but will never forget. Second with someone who, it turns out, I barely ever knew at all. I am a better person for it, but like all heartache, it was trying. (Cryptic, yes, but necessary. I don’t want to share all aspects of my life. Assume what you want.)

My new single status was forced on me, I didn’t see it as the liberation that I appreciate it as now. It was unwanted and foreign; lonely and humbling. I felt abandoned, empty, and deceived, yet it forced me to change the things about myself that I didn’t particularly like but settled with for so long. 

Looking back, the death of my dysfunctional relationship was a lucky break because I now realize that I was trying to commit to something and someone that never quite fit. He (and it) were like that dress that looks great on a hanger, but are neither flattering or comfortable. Not for me anyway. It also gave me a clean slate and the opportunity to create a new adventure for myself. (And to shop around for new dresses that are more my style. Window shop anyway...)

I am not the same woman I was when 2012 started, and for that I am grateful.

The latter part of the year was rich in new experiences and new friends. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun, nor can I remember a time in my life when my confidence was as stable and as high as it is now. I am happy. 

I don’t want to romanticize my life, because of course I have struggles. Daily ones. In fact, I have failed at so many things in the last year that I’ve lost count. I continue to fail at things, but rather than dwell on my shortcomings I’m trying to learn from them. Sometimes my failures hurt and sometimes they’re a source of amusement. Either way, there is always a lesson or two buried in my mistakes. Lucky for me, I make enough of them in my life to confidently say that I will never stop learning.

I am most grateful for the people in my life. I surround myself with quality folks, and 2012 certainly brought out the best in my friendships. I have never believed more in love and in the goodness of people, because I have experienced a great deal of it this year. 

While I have no clue what 2013 will bring, I hope it will be as enriching as the latter part of 2012. I have no resolutions (No immediate ones anyway, I prefer to make mine all year long) but I have aspirations and goals going forward. 

With that, I happily walk away from the past and look forward to what the future holds. 

Happy New Year.