Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Bon Jovi 'Always' moment...

So I've spent a great deal of summer hoping to have my  Bon Jovi 'Always' moment. You know the one; Jack Noseworthy (the hot blond guy in the video) realizes how badly he fucked up with Carla Gugino, and he's so messed up about it that he's sitting alone, tortured and shirtless, in his meager Spanish villa looking at old pictures of her. Memories of their relationship and his betrayal play over and over again in his head like a tragic love story, and after all that he sees a mirage of her at the foot of his bed that he tries to embrace, but she disappears and he is alone. Yeah. I was kind of hoping that was going to happen to the guy who burned me.

No really, don't judge me, I was really hoping that said fella was going to have some kind of grand epiphany about how much he loved and needed me, because that's the kind of "love" I thought we had. No really.

Now, like anyone who goes through a breakup, I was a disaster. Verbal diarrhea about him and us spewed from my mouth at every opportunity my friends would give me to talk. I tried my hardest not to make my breakup and feelings evident on social media. (I mean hey, I kept the relationship on the down-low, I should be able to do the same with the breakup, right? No. Thanks to a good friend who called one morning to ask about it, I realized just how obvious I was.) And I tried to just be OK, even when I wasn't. I'm human, I was heart-broken.

I spent the first few weeks of my breakup hoping he would leave an "I'm sorry, you're the only one I've ever loved and I'll die without you" note on my car; or that he'd be waiting outside my apartment door with flowers and an apology-- Maybe even wearing a tuxedo, with a crumpled, tear-soaked picture of me in his inside pocket that he'd spent the entire breakup gazing at, feeling empty. He'd probably even be gently crying because he felt so bad about hurting me...

Delusional, yes. But I only kind of believed (and have believed with every single breakup I've ever had) that something like that might happen. I mean really, you guys don't understand; this relationship was different...He was different...We had all these plans...He'll regret it... No? Shit.

That, my friends, is a cocktail of deep seeded emotion mixed with desperation and denial. It happens to the best of us, don't judge me.

After the initial shock, hurt and drastic life change of not having him in my life anymore became the new norm, things started to change. Life started to get good, and my mindset and feelings changed dramatically. As they say, time really does heal all wounds. My love and sadness have been replaced with indifference and a new sense of humor about the guy and the entire relationship. It's made for some fantastic and hilarious wine night conversations with the girls, and forced me to change things about myself that I didn't like.

Hey,if you can't laugh at yourself with your friends, then your life isn't very fun. (Hence the blog post: It's funny, and maybe a little awkward. Things in hindsight are often funny and worth writing about.)

As they say: If you love someone let them go, if they come back to you run away and hide. 

Life is short, be kind to yourself. Go on dates, do some cardio, dance and drink wine with your friends, and for God sakes buy yourself some new shoes and panties. You may never get the Bon Jovi 'Always' moment, but that is probably for the best. 


No comments:

Post a Comment