Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Rock bottom in a see-through dress and granny panties.

I started this summer with big intentions to lose weight.

"I'm going to go back to school and be super hot," I told myself. "I'm going to run and join Weight Watchers. -- I'm totally going to be the hottest chick at Red River, probably even in Winnipeg..."

Flash forward to today, with only a month left of summer holidays, I am fully cognizant that I'm still the same, if not slightly larger than before. Ugh. My clothes seem to be getting tighter, and my overall big idea to lose weight has gone down the hatch (along with a few million calories over the course of this summer I might add.)

Now why I am blogging about this rather uncomfortable situation you might ask. Well, today I have hit rock bottom.

This morning as I was rummaging through my clothes, trying to find something office-appropriate, I almost had a meltdown. Everything I own seems to highlight my ever-growing muffin-top. Everything!

I ended up settling on (an unintentional) semi-see through dress (that is not flattering by any means) coupled with a pair of beat up heels. The kicker though, is that I am wearing granny panties underneath. (Perhaps it is not appropriate to write about my under garments. However, I feel that this is relevant to my story, as any single 31-year old woman who willingly wears granny panties has, in my opinion, indeed hit rock bottom. Ugh, in all fairness though, I should point out that the package said they were "boy shorts" when I bought them at the discount store. These are certainly not "boy shorts." I shake my fist at you discount store!!)

Anyways, as I write this, I am eating my frozen Weight Watchers entre and deciding that today is the day that I am going to change my lifestyle! Hooray! -- Yes, I understand that I make this commitment to change my lifestyle at least once a week, only to cave at the first sighting of anything artery-cloggingly delicious. And sure, I have moments where I console myself with phrases like: "At least I have a sparkling personality..." But really. I'm 31-years old, a thousand per cent single, and really need to be able to look spandex-wearing-good (and cougar-ready) in the next couple of years.

Muffin-top's and granny panties don't bode well for cougars.

So here we go, today I am going to get back on the "I'm going to get skinny" bandwagon.

Look out world, here I come!

Update: Obviously I did something wrong today, because I am starving my head off. So much so that I am starting to get that "Fuck it. I have a sparkly personality, now pass the *insert ANY food here*" mentality. Ugh. I drank a lot of water today, I don't get it.

Worse yet, I am at my parents house for dinner, and they're known to be "food-pushers." Having them love and accept me no matter what kinda kills the diet a little bit.


Calgon take me awaaaaaaaaaay...

Picture: www.theiemommy.com


  1. You buried the lead: Muffin-top's and granny panties don't bode well for cougars. ha, ha!

  2. Aww Shelley I love reading your blog!

  3. Muffin Tops are wonderful!! I have one and am PROUD of it!

  4. You are too funny Shell....

    PS... You were told you looked hot from a gay man so you clearly looked hot!

    Hmmmm...Might have to buy me a pair of granny panties...

  5. It doesn't matter what you write about....I LOVE reading your blog!!!!!!!

  6. hahah, as a self respecting 33yr old who wears granny panties-its cause they go over the muffin and are so comfy, why split the muffin in half with briefs?pshaw!~, now, as a self respecting33yr old woman who wears granny panties , i say! your personality sparkles far more than your muffin, and let me quote shelly a cook who once said...im not fat, im curvy!
    miss so hot, red river will vote her prom queen, let it be known that hot damn woman, you, your curves, your sense of undergarments and your honesty about them all, regularly makes me roll over, laugh, pee my granny gitchies and wipe an eye to read more!
    squirrely- the granny gitch girl:)