Thursday, January 27, 2011

The lovely life

So I just got back from a pretty intense pity party.

It’s no secret that I’ve been having a rough go of things lately; I live in a mountain of debt. Cable, phone and internet got cut off last month. I lost my BlackBerry yesterday. I banged up my car today by backing up into a pillar and taking out the passenger side mirror. (It’s literally hanging there, by a wire or something...) Not to mention I have to shift bid for work tomorrow...Another whole year of working weekends, 10.5 hour days at the grind, is enough to make anyone feel sorry for themselves.

To tell you the truth, my pity party was an all out gala. It was the grand ball of crybabies. It was the biggest pity party I’d ever been to, let alone hosted...

It was one for the record books.

It all started when I was leaving XS Cargo this afternoon. I had been all over the city, trying to buy a refurbished and unlocked BlackBerry replacement – to no avail, since Rogers told me that the warranty I foolishly paid $100 for doesn’t cover lost or stolen phones. (Ugh, I wouldn’t have shelled out the cash had I known that...) If I wanted a new BlackBerry, it was going to cost me $599.

Bull shit.

Needless to say I was already upset about my life, when it happened, the straw that broke the camel’s back. The icing on the cake. The last hurrah. The big one...

I banged up my car.

Yep. As I was backing out of my parking spot, feeling super pissed off that I couldn’t get my hands of a refurbished BlackBerry, I banged my car up against and into a pillar.

Bang! Scrape. Brake. Fuck.

I got out to survey the damage. My boiling point was already reached and I just started to cry, really, really loud. In my little accident, I managed to take out the passenger side rear view mirror and scrape the door. Today just wasn’t my day.

I picked up broken pieces of the mirror from the ground, stomped back into my car, slammed the door and I kept on crying to my heart’s content. I even tried calling a friend, so that he could listen to me cry and share in my misery. He didn’t answer and it made me cry even more.

I felt defeated. And that, my friends, was the icing on the metaphorical shit cake that was my very bad week.

I’m not going lie; when I say that I cried, I mean I cried like a friggin maniac. I was hysterical as I drove all the way home with my mascara running down my cheeks. I was sobbing some kind of “I give up” chant or something and every so often looking at my swollen eyes in the rear view mirror. I was sitting in the epitome of self pity and my damn side mirror hung in limbo, as though any second it was going to give way to the slushy, messy, bumpy, Winnipeg streets.

Friends, I was frightful.

When I got home, I took my defeated ass up to my apartment and cried a little more until it just got too exhausting. It was then that a hot shower (to wash away my Alice Cooper eyes) was in order, followed by a scoop of mint chocolate ice cream in my bed while watching season four of Sex and the City on my laptop.

Ah, the lovely life of a 31-year-old single student.

As my pity party started to wind down, I started to realize something; if this was as bad as it was going to get, I’m not doing too bad. I mean yes, I literally have no form of communication since my TV, internet and home phone got cut off last month and now my BlackBerry is missing. And sure, I now have another expense that I can’t afford with my car. Oh, and another year of weekends; this sucks, but at least I have a decent job that pays well. That’s more than a lot of other people have, I need to remember not to forget that.

Life isn’t too bad afterall...

I knew that this path wouldn’t be an easy one going into it, but as I near the end of this CreComm chapter, the stress sometimes overwhelms me. It’s not so much the little individual setbacks, like losing my BlackBerry and having no money. It’s all of them combined that sometimes make it a little hard to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

But when I take a second to consider that I am letting all these small things affect me in such a big way, I need to just stop and count my many blessings. Life is short and small things will always happen.

I will get a new BlackBerry and my car will get fixed, and eventually (when I can work more, thus make more money, I can also restore my TV, internet and home phone.) I’ve hit rock bottom in a material way...So what.

I have a lovely life.

P.S. I am writing this from Starbucks. Thank goodness for laptops and WiFi.


  1. Never give up, no matter how crappy things get. There are days when I'm just on the edge, too. And something always pulls me back. It's called being human. I think too many people try to put on this fake smiley face and act as though things are fine, when really, their dying inside. This was a very personal post, and I'm glad you shared it.

  2. Oh Shelley! I feel so bad for you, things have been going shitty for you. :( I want to just hug you right now! It's great how you can see the positive in the situation.

    Love Millie,

    P.S. Let's go out for coffee or ice cream sometime soon!

  3. Aw honey. What a great post. You sometimes need a good cry to let go of all the shit that builds up :) I find it so special that you can come out of that and remember that you do have a good life.
    If this is the worst you can feel I bet you can handle anything that comes your way in life. STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN!!

  4. What a amazing post! We need to have these kinds of times in order to appreciate the OK times and the really great times. Life is like a goes round and round, and the low points makes the high pints even better.

  5. I've had a couple of days like this during my time in CreComm, and they're no fun. But sometimes you just need to scream and cry until you're exhausted, because, somehow, it always cheers you up. I hope things get better soon for you. Stay strong and think of the awesome jobs we'll all get at the end of this.

  6. big hug for you Shelley. you are a wonderful lady and love reading all your adventures . love ya kim xo

  7. We're here for you Shelly. I cry all the time so don't worry about that, it means you won't have to pee as much! If you need a season 4 sex and the city watching party, we can throw one. :) XOXO Always here for you girl.