The one thing about getting what you want in life is that working to achieve it is a grind, and when you finally make it the place you've worked so hard to be, it's not always going to be good.Some days achieving your dream sucks, and that's ok. It's normal. Even the greatest things in life get tiresome sometimes.
But, other days it feels like you're exactly where you're meant to be. All that hard work paid off. You've made it, kid.
I remember clawing my way through college. working at my security job while trying to keep my head above water in my studies. Most days I felt like I was barely surviving. I was at least eight to ten years older than most of my classmates. A "mature student." While they lived at home with their parents, I lived in a dumpy three story walk-up with my cat.
I was the old lady of the program at 30, but those kids embraced me, and I kind of got a second shot of early adulthood. That part was invigorating.
Those were some of the best years of my life. I didn't have the gumption or self awareness to realize that at the time. But, hindsight is 20/20 and a beautiful memory for me.
I realize now, how the challenging times were just as important, if not more important than the good times. The hard nights, when it seemed impossible, are the nights that made it all worthwhile.
On the nights that were hard, there were lifelines all around me. People who cared, and people who shared experiences like mine. Even though I sometimes felt it, I was never really alone.
I remember calling my little sister one evening, I was weeping about how I didn't have it in me to continue. Being a full-time mature student while working and trying to keep a roof over my head and pay bills was taking its toll. I was at my breaking point.
"I quit," I told her. "This dream is bullshit."
A student of law, she agreed. She'd had many nights like mine; exhausted and crying over being stuck in the middle of trying to make your life better, and it seeming so hopeless.
"Nobody tells you that you need to claw your way to your dreams. It's a fight. It's always a fight."
We took turns breaking down, comparing our moments of frailty while lifting each other up. Seeing that we weren't alone in our struggles made it easier. She understood my tears. I understood hers.
There were many nights like this.
Tears. frustration. Reflection, and appreciation.
The cycle never ends. When I achieved my dream of graduating college, there was another dream waiting for me, and after that another... and so on and so on.
I've realized now that the experience of working towards my goals and dreams is actually far more impactful than achieving them. That's where the life is; in the journey. The accomplishment is simply the reward, before moving on to live another part of your life.
It's so important to have dreams to chase. It's just as important to savour the chase.
