Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A message to the health nuts on behalf of the chubbos.

As we all already know, I am a bitter woman. (I proudly admit that fact about myself approximately 87 times a day.) However, unfounded bitterness aside, there is something of importance that I feel I need to address on behalf of myself and my chubby and/or unhealthy friends…

We don’t want to hear about how much damn fat and/ or sodium is in our food!!

Now I agree that we should all be watching what we eat, especially with the amount of crap (including sodium) that goes into food. However, there is nothing more annoying then someone who insists on critiquing your lunch (and you) while you are eating it.


Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but the utmost respect for a person that has chosen to dedicate their life to maintaining a healthy diet. (No really, kudos to you!) But lord help us all if that person decides to share their lifestyle and opinions in times and situations where they are not wanted.

Case in point:

Me: Eating my frozen dinner and secretly feeling bad about myself.

Healthy McJoe: Eating her low-sodium, low-fat, healthy food.

Me: Awe crap…

Heathy McJoe: Whatcha got there?! – Is that one of those microwave dinners?


Healthy McJoe:Awe man, do you know how much sodium is in there?! That’s like a week’s worth of salt!! Those things are so bad for you!

Me: Feeling awkward and like I want to sink into my seat and die.

Heathy McJoe: You should just make your own food…

Me: *in my head* “Well, Healthy McJoe, I’m poor and can’t afford more than this crappy frozen dinner that doesn’t even taste good. You think I wanna be eating this crap?! No, I don't. It's gross and I'm pretty sure that I can feel my pants getting tighter and my arteries closing up as we speak!

Oh, and another thing, why do you even sit with me at lunch?! I don’t want to spend my lunch hour listening to you tell me how much better you and your damn healthy food options are than me. Seriously!! Go away.

Uh huh…

Healthy McJoe: Oblivious.

Seriously, that account is loosely based on actual events!

Nobody likes the person who overkills the whole health thing. I mean, yes, I speak for me and all my chubbos when I say that we’re all happy as shit for you and your healthy life, but why do you insist on making the rest of us feel bad about our poor diet choices? It’ll -- a healthy lifestyle -- happen for us too one day if we want it to, but not on your incessant critiquing!

Leave us alone, you are not the health police!

So here it is my plea, on behalf of the chubby and unhealthy community...

Healthy friends,

Please stop telling us how bad our food is for us. Please don’t (openly) judge us, or give us “helpful” suggestions about how to eat. – If we want your opinion about food and diet, we will certainly ask for it!

We respect you healthy friends, but most of us already feel bad enough about ourselves, we don’t need your help making us feel worse.

Let’s talk about sports, or TV and movies, or gossip…Let’s just talk about something other than how bad my food choices are and how bad my lifestyle is. And let's also avoid discussing your diet and workout routine. Please!

Thank you.


  1. OMG!! I totally agree with you!! I have a couple friends that do EXACTLY that!! One who will only do it when they are on their "diet" but once they fall off the wagon, they shut up and don't say a word cuz they are eating even crappier food that me!! Drives me NUTS!

  2. You tell 'em Shell!!! The next time a McJoe type person starts critiquing your food, tell them that you're working hard at 'keeping my sodium up' or ask them when they graudated from medical school, or ask them when they became the Dr. Phil of Food.

  3. 'The Dr. Phil of food' -- considering that Dr. Phil is a yahoo who isn't even a medically licensed psychologist, I am going to venture to say that Healthy McJoe is already at that level..

    None the less, I like your moxie anonymous commentor! (Mom, is that you!?)