So yesterday, as I was driving in my car, I almost convinced myself to buy a pack of cigarettes. I rationalized every possible situation that would make it seem like a good idea to quit quitting smoking...
First, I told myself that I would buy a cheap pack of cigarettes, smoke one, and leave them in the car for when I want to "casually smoke." Second, I rationalized that my smoking habit was actually far less costly than a crack or meth habit. (No seriously. I almost convinced myself that I should be proud to take up smoking because it's a legal addiction to have and it costs less than crack. I think.) Third, I tried to liberate myself. ("Torches of Freedom!") I told myself that I was my own person, and that if I wanted to smoke, by golly, I will smoke! Fourth, I just accepted the fact that I was a quitter (and not a quitter of smoking, but a quitter of quitting smoking!)
I didn't buy the cigarettes.
Even though I feel that I've made some great arguments (Hey, who can argue with the price of cigarettes vs. the price of hard drugs? Really?!) I know that I need to try and stick with this. I just can't justify not trying to quit anymore. This habit is killing me and making me poor for God sakes!
The worst part about all this is that quitting smoking is a hard-fought battle that makes me feel like I have no soul! (No, seriously. I feel dead on the inside.) Like, I have this weird sense of loss that is looming over me. It's like I've lost my best friend.
Ugh. I have lost my best friend. (No offence anyone who might be offended by reading this, but I like smoking more than I like hanging out with most people...Just sayin...)
"Oh Cigarette, come back, I need you!!"
I've been smoking for more than half of my life! Quitting smoking honestly doesn't seem right to me (even though I know it is!) Hell, it's been my companion through good times and bad...We've vacationed together, and worked together...We've done everything together!
"Goodbye Cigarettes. I'll never forget the times we've had."
Today (Day two) I'm still a fiending wreck whose got the shakes and a bad attitude. At this stage of the quitting process I would probably still trade a kidney for a drag of a cigarette or something...